Jeff Foxworthy on "Ontario":

If you consider it a sport to gather your food by drilling through
36 inches of ice and sitting there all day hoping that the food will
swim by, you live in Ontario.


If your local Dairy Queen is closed from September through May, you
live in Ontario.

If you instinctively walk like a penguin for six months out of the
year, you live in Ontario.

If your dad's suntan stops at a line curving around the middle of
his forehead, you live in Ontario.

If you have worn shorts and a parka at the same time, you live in
Ontario.

If you have had a lengthy telephone conversation with someone who
dialed a wrong number, you live in Ontario.

YOU KNOW YOU ARE A TRUE ONTARIAN:
1. "Vacation" means going South past London for the weekend.

2. You measure distance in hours.

3. You know several people who have hit a deer more than once.

4. You often switch from "heat" to "A/C" in the same day and then
back again.

5. You can drive 110 kph through 2 feet of snow
during a raging
blizzard, without flinching.

6. You design your kid's Halloween costume to fit over a snowsuit.

7. Driving is better in the winter because the potholes are filled
with snow.

8. You know all 4 seasons: almost winter, winter, still winter and
road construction.

9. Your idea of creative landscaping is a statue of a deer next to
your blue spruce.

10. Down South to you means London ...


11. Your 1st of July picnic was moved indoors due to frost.

12. You have more miles on your snow blower than your car.

13. You find 0 degrees "a little chilly."